Friday, February 29, 2008

Firsts Meme

This is a meme of Firsts from My Semblance of Sanity . Had fun thinking of my firsts.

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Well my date, nope didn’t have a date for either of the two. My senior year I went with my three friends. Much better than going with a date.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
Nope, don’t see him, don’t talk to him, rather forget he existed. It wasn’t a happy ending for us.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
Probably something like Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I’m into the fru-fru drinks, not into that hard liquor stuff.

4. What was your FIRST job?
Well probably babysitting, but my first real job was working at Studio 28 working the concessions stand. What was really great was I got two free tickets to any movie I wanted to see and 1$ popcorn combo each time. My friends also loved me too, I went to so many movies that year.

5. What was your FIRST car?
Well the first real one I bought was a red 1995 Chevy Corsica, I got this my first year in college after the exhaust system fell off my old blue Junker, while I was driving on the highway. Man that was a lousy car, it had a sunroof and I had to duct tape it shut, it leaked. That red car was great, had it for nearly 7 years before we sold it.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
The only person who would isn’t here, and that would be my husband.

7. Who was the FIRST person I thought of this morning?
Probably my kids, praying that they would stay asleep.

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Mrs. McKeller, I don't remember much, but I remember thinking on the first day, when I was told I was going to be there all day long, I literally thought, we're eating dinner here too?

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
I was two years old, flying from Florida to Michigan with my grandma after my mom gave birth to my sister. We were moving back home.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them?
Dragonfly, we’ve known each other since kindergarten, and lived less than a mile away from each other. And we’re more like sisters than friends now, kept close through college and now through military moves.

11. What was your FIRST sport played?
Gymnastics, my parents have pictures of me, I believe I was 3, walking on the balance beam. Long hair in ponytails, concentrating so hard on not falling. Only did that for a couple of years, not very athletically inclined.

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
Probably my cousins house in Port Huron, we were always driving the three hours to visit my mom’s family. My sister and I were in awe of them, A & D were older, dressed nicer, and were able to watch things we weren’t allowed to watch. Though we were never as close as we could have been, I guess that’s what living three hours away does to you.

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
Well do you have to move your lips? I got up before the kids so I talked to my hubby online this morning.

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
My high school friend’s in 1997, we had these horrid satin pink dresses with dye able pink heeled shoes to match. Oh yeah, it also had a butt bow. That was one ugly dress.

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Push the button on the coffee pot to make coffee. Then turned on the computer.

16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
Okay, the first one I have memory of, DC Talk & Michael W Smith. I went with Dragonfly and a couple of other friends. Her mom, Crazy Grandma J drove us all in a large van with blankets in the back. Come to think of it, that’s probably illegal now. We had an awesome time, of course we were in the nose bleed seats.

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing?
Got my ears pierced when I was 8, second hole when I was in high school. My first tattoo when I was, well in my 20’s March of 2006. Second Tattoo one year later.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to?
Yes, this is sooo exciting, (scarcasm). Canada. My Grandma B took my sister and I and our other cousin Bradly when we were 10 or so. The Blue Water Bridge is in Port Huron, so just a stones throw across the river. But honestly there’s not much to do over there.

19. What was your FIRST run in with the law?
May 2005 when we were driving from Tennessee back home to Texas. We had been driving all night long It was about 3AM and at night in Texas the speed limit drops from 70 to 65, I guess I had “forgotten” to drop my speed. Got pulled over and was given a warning. I believe I pulled the we were coming home from block leave after my hubby returned from his 1st tour in Iraq.

20. When was your FIRST detention?
Never had detention, I was a good girl.

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in?
Michigan, cold boring Michigan.

22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart?
That would be the same guy who was my first love, Jonathan. We dated in college for two and a half years.

23. Who was your FIRST roommate?
I lived in the dorms for one whole semester, had a roommate, Amy. She was a slob, I thought I was messy, I hold nothing on this girl. Left dirty dishes EVERYWHERE. Her closet, which she had two by the way, was literally overflowing with clothes and other stuff she was hiding. After that semester, I moved home and became a commuter student. Amy failed out of that semester of college and didn’t come back.

24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride?
Ok, this may be sad, but my first limo ride was last July at a Stampin Up convention (I’m a demonstrator). It was raining HARD, and we had to travel to a hotel with our projects, they had to stay dry. So the bellhop got us a cab for a two minute drive to the neighboring hotel. He didn’t even charge us for the ride, but we tipped him anyways.

Horrid Night of Sleep

I had a horrible night last night, and I’m sitting here typing this, I just feel really down and depressed and would just like to cry really.

Little Man had a fever from teething, so he just wouldn’t go down in his own bed, frustrating and I’m just at the end of my rope dealing with this not sleeping in bed thing. So I just lay him down in Mommy’s bed and he goes to sleep on his own. Which brings up another issue, do we take him out of his crib now or wait until after we move to Texas? Would he sleep in his own room just in a big bed?

But go out to Crazy Daughter, we read some books and then we brush our teeth, we can’t go into my bathroom because of Little Man, so we use the other bathroom, and of course Crazy Daughter notices Little Man is in Mommy’s bed. Crazy Daughter just doesn’t go to bed; I lay down with her, on her tiny toddler bed and still no falling asleep. So I tell her (I’m such a pushover) if she goes into mommy’s bed to sleep mommy is going to sleep in the living room on the couch. Honestly I just can’t sleep with the two of them.

Jump to 11:30 PM, after countless times of getting up she finally wakes up Little Man. I’m of course, beyond upset now, I’m tired, and I am beginning to understand what those mothers feel when they want to hurt their children. I lay down at the end of the bed and after much moving around, they fall back asleep. And I sleep at the tiny edge of the bed, being kicked by my daughter. Not a good night of sleep at all.

My alarm goes off at 6 AM and I just want to get out of bed and have my coffee and spend some time praying, to get my attitude set for the day. But honestly I just want to crawl back into bed, my own bed, with no kids, and cry myself to sleep.

Big Guy is online but he’s preparing to go on a mission tonight, so he’s in that “mode” not really talking, just there online. And honestly would I want him any other way right now? He does need to be prepared to go out on the streets of Iraq, where bad guys want to hurt him. So I’ve told him what happened last night, but I haven’t related how I’m feeling.

It’s funny, after nearly a year on being on antidepressants; you would think my depression would be gone. I’ve been in counseling, life actually has been better, it’s just we are nearing the end of the deployment. I am so done being the single parent, dealing with these kids every day, day in and day out. I want him home, I want him to be the dad and take some responsibility and help with the kids, help with the housework. And I guess I’m frightened that when he does come home, he won’t. I mean let’s face it, he is going to be dealing with a lot, being gone a year and coming back to a house that has changed, kids have grown up, and a wife who has changed and won’t deal with the same crap as she would have before he left. It’s got to be difficult on them too.

So maybe I’m stressing over the whole process, dealing with living together again. Not to mention working on the whole pain, crap, that has become our marriage. Learning to trust again and him learning to be trustworthy again. It’s a lot of pressure, on both of us.
So that’s what is going through my head this morning. I’m drinking lots of coffee, trying to deal with the major lack of sleep from last night. Praying and getting back in line with God so this day will be better than last night.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Music and Memmories

I was listening to the radio yesterday and a song came on that I hadn’t heard in years. Go West Young Man, by Michael W. Smith, it brought me back to my thirteenth birthday party where I received the tape as a present. For some reason, that song will forever be linked to that period in my life; sleeping outdoors in a tent with 5 or so other girls, playing poker with candy and then the candy wrappers. It got me thinking, what other songs have a vivid memory. So here’s my list.

Go West Young Man, Michael W. Smith. 13th birthday party.

Love Shack, B 52’s. I know that sometimes this song is overplayed, but this clearly brings back senior prom, 1996. I went with my friends Dragonfly, and two others (I can’t come up with any cute aliases right now, and I don't remember who Happy, Sleepy and everyone was. Help me out dragonfly). We drew names to see who would buy who a corsage. And we danced all night long, caffeinated up on Squirt. When I hear that song, it brings me back to that night.

Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen. For two summers I worked up at our Church camp, cooking and cleaning. I really enjoyed the friends I made, though cleaning toilets during juniors week, boys should really learn to aim better. But when the guys and we girls went out in the church van, for whatever activity we had that night, we listened to a mix tape someone put together. And this song was one on there. When I hear it I’m instantly back in the van, driving down the bumpy dirt road, watching the guys go completely crazy with singing and air guitars.

Zombie, the Cranberries. This is a Princess Leia song, I believe we were in high school at the time (that would be about 94’ or so) driving in the car, singing our little hearts out. I had such a wonderful time in high school with my friends, such freedom, and looking back, such a short time it was.

Bullet with Butterfly Wings, the Smashing Pumpkins. It was my sophomore year of college in my American Literature class (modern literature I think) that my professor Dr. Stevens gave us a list of songs and the lyrics, to write a short paper on. He had U2 (his favorite band and always incorporated the lyrics into his lectures) Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, and a couple of others. This is the song I choose based solely on the lyrics. I hadn’t heard the song before, but the words were quite interesting to me.

I know there could be more, but can’t think of many right now. So please give me yours. I would love to hear all your stories.

Crazy Daughter's World

Self portriate
Mommy's Making me a dress
My brother
my mommy
Okay, this one I took, but isn't my little man precious.
Life is busy this week, it's always the begning of the week that is crazy. But time goes by quickly when your busy, right? So I only have to make it through march and a bit of April before Big Guy comes home.
How is your week been going?

Friday, February 22, 2008


I've been thinking about this for the past couple of weeks now. I am sitting here in my living room with my son on my lap, watching cartoons and blogging. And what do I hear outside, artillery booms from the range somewhere nearby. And this is normal for us. Sometimes the blasts are so powerful they shake the windows.

Is is strange that I pay no mind to gun blasts anymore, lol.

So what is normal for you? Love to hear your comments.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Sooo Tired

It seems that this entire week, I have just been dragging, exhausted, tired and whatever other adjective you can use. I don't remember if I have been saying anything about getting my kids to sleep in their own beds. The past couple of weeks, they have been waking up and climbing into bed with me. Little Man of course, still being in his crib, just won't go back to sleep in his own bed. I sit and cuddle with him, he seems to relax and I go to lay him down, and he wakes up. As many as four times in one night.

So last night we got back from Awana, get the kids ready for bed, and lay ean down, supposdely sleeping, and five minutes later he starts crying. Okay no problem right, just let him cry for a bit and he'll eventually calm down. 45 minutes later he's still going at it, it's nearing 10:30 and Crazy Daughter hasn't gone down yet. I'm near tears, so I just bring them all into my bed.

I think I got the worse night of sleep in my life. They don't do well sleeping together, laughed and talked till nearly 11:30. Around 2, I've finally had it with the kicking, the cuddling up to me that I head into the living room to sleep on the couch.

And the result of that wonderful night of restless sleep, I'm cranky, I'm exhausted, and it seems I am being a bad mother today. The kids are as tired as me, Crazy Daughter has had at least 3 episodes of temper tantrums. And it's only 2 PM.

Is there anyone out there who has dealt with this kid issue of wanting to sleep with you. Big Guy comes home mid April and sleeping in our bed isn't going to be an option. And it seems the less sleep I get at night, the more cranky I get during the day, which makes the next night even more stressful to get them to sleep. Any suggestions.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Fun, Fablous, Fantastic, Freaking Fantablous Friday

I'm in an extremely silly mood today, it has to do with the lack of sleep I am expierencing this week. I am trying to reteach my kids that they have to sleep in their own beds. We've all gotten into the bad habbit of coming in with mama in the middle of the night. I'm so over that.

But... Back to the fun Friday. You know you are going to have a fun, fablous, fantastic, friday when you hear this.

"Mama, Little Man made a poopy in the bathtub"

Oh the fun of finding a brown turd floating in the bathtub mixing in with the kids and all their bath toys. Yep, a wonderful day today.

Monday, February 11, 2008

My Date

Today was Monday (just in case you've forgotten what day it is) and Crazy Daughter had playgroup. So Little Man and I had a date. We normally go to W@l-m@rt, and get some groceries, but I'm sick of that store and so we went to T@rget.

My little boy is so different when he isn't with his sister, so inquistative, quiet, full of wonder as we walked down the toy isle. We were looking for a present for Big Guy, he'll be home sooner than I know it and I want to have something for him to do that first night. Because of the time change, I know he'll be awake late into the evening. I had been seeing commercials (thanks to all the kid shows we watch) for the new Indiana Jones Legos, Big Guy loves Indi and is super excited abou the new movie coming out. So we got the new Legos Indi set. Hope he likes it.

But we took our time meandering through the isles, he got all excited when we walked by the movie isle and he saw a Tom @ Jerry cartoon video. Not able to pry it from his tight little fists, I bought the 5.50$ movie.

The next stop on our date was a short drive over to P@ner@ Bread, I got all excited getting out of the car, walked over to the bakery case and started pointing to all the muffins and cookies. He picked out a rather large chocolate chip cookie, and I got my coffee and spinach and bacon souflee. We sat down and he started making eyes with an older couple the next table over. He makes people smile so easily, it just warms my heart.

But as all things have to end, so too did our date. We got back in the car and headed back to town to pick up Crazy Daughter and life began normal again.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


Yes that is bread rising in my oven, six loafs and some rolls. I can't believe it myself, but I've started baking my own bread, this one is whole wheat and oatmeal. I'll start the oven in a couple of minutes so in about an hour I'll have fresh warm homemade bread. Who knew I could actually cook. lol

I've kind of got on this health kick, you know in that ever present battle to loose weight. So I've been watching my sugar contents and trying to eat more fresh things. Though I was thwarted by cookie dough.... Sunday at church they were having a fundraiser by selling cookie dough, so I bought two tubs, sugar cookie and chocolate chunk. And I broke down and made the sugar cookies on Sunday. Oh sooo good. Such weak will power.

It snowed last night, oh, about a foot of the cold white stuff on the ground. You know when we were kids, snow had such a different feel. I mean this, we didn't have any of the responsibilites as we do now, as adults. I shovelled, I am grateful I actually bought one this year. For 30 minutes I heaved the cold white stuff, such a not fun expierence. Cursing the driveway and it's slope and it's legenth. Why did we have to get such a long driveway? I guess that is one thing about Texas I will be grateful for, no snow.

Okay, I'm off to bake my bread, yumm, fresh warm bread and strawberry jelly. I'm in heaven right now.

Monday, February 4, 2008

6 AM

Ok, so my alarm went off at 6 am this morning, and I actually got up. Okay well I hit the snooze button only once. But I am actually enjoying getting up before the flurry of kids and activities in the morning.

And let me point out right here, I am not a morning person, not by any stretch of the imagination. I enjoy sleeping in, I was a great sleeper in college, sleeping till nearly 10 or eleven on the weekends. I aparently get grumpy (so friends and family tell me) when I get tired, so intrupting my beauty sleep to get things done in the morning is shocking my friends and family.

So here's a list of the things accomplished between 6 (okay 6:10) and 7 this morning.

  • Started a load of laundry
  • made coffee
  • Wrote 3 cards to various family that I have been putting off for awhile now
  • Got a box to mail out to Dragonfly, complete with the customs form
  • Balanced checkbook
  • Went through a stack of papers on my desk and sorted them. Filled the bills.
  • Enjoyed my coffee and cereal
  • Wrote out grocery list for trip to grocery store
  • Listened to Evanescence without the sound of cartoons or running kids in the background.

Pretty darn good, huh. So I guess my sacrifice of sleep is paying off in being more organized and maybe a bit more sane throughout the day. I'm not sure about getting up at 5, which was my origional goal, so I could exercise. But I'll stick with this 6 thing. I do so love the quiet.

Saturday, February 2, 2008


I got a letter from the Commander about when to expect Big Guy to come home. The 6th of February will be one year from the day he left. It's hard to believe that a year has gone by without him.

So mid April is when I'm supposed to expect him, I haven't heard anything from our FRG (family readiness group) but I have up on expecting any real information long ago. We'll get a call 24 to 48 hours ahead of when to expect them.

So I finish reading the letter and my stomach has that feeling, oh how to describe it, like I've just been given bad news. Now don't get me wrong, I do want to have him home, the kids miss him awfully bad.

But in his absence, we have a routein, we are comfortable with the way things are. Granted I get driven insane most days, but I know what to expect when the morning arrives. That will all change when he gets home.

Change, I hate change. You would think an army spouse would be used to change seeing as we've moved quite a bit. And the only constant thing in the army is change. But this time, him coming home is more difficult than the last one.

Now we will have to live together, and deal with the whole past year, two years of hurt and pain. When he left we didn't leave our marriage in the greatest of shape. Now we will come back together two really changed people, and really have to get to know each other once again. I guess the uncertainity of the future is scary, not knowing how our lives will turn out, is frightening.

But he's coming home and life will begin again.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Two Things Meme

I read Wherever Ewe Go's post today and it was a meme of two things. So here's mine.

1. Two names you go by:
Shelly and Mama. Shelly isn't my real name, it's a name given to me by Dragonfly in high school and has stuck ever since.
2. Two things you are wearing right now:
Yellow stripped flannel pants (because at 6 am, it's cold in the living room) and a sweater I grabbed from my bedroom as I staggered out of bed this morning.
3. Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship:
Trust and friendship. Without those two, do we really have a chance to make our marriage work?
4. Two of your favorite things to do:
Shop without KIDS, alone with a friend perferably, oh and of course have money to spend. Spend time with my friends, unfortunately both live so far away right now. Grrr... Dragonfly you had to move to Germany. (love you :)
5. Two things you want very badly at the moment:
Slippers, my feet are cold. No seriously, an afternoon at a bookstore, a large bookstore, with no crazy children running around or a husband saying are you ready to leave yet? But I'll settle for a clean house, could you send the cleaning fairy this way??
6. Two pets you have/had:
We had a dog name Buffy (seriously, that was his name. We never changed it) in elementary school. He kept running away though and making messes in other people's yards, so we had to get rid of him. And our dog here, Holley or as I like to call her, Crazy barkey dog. We got her the summer before Big Guy went to boot camp so I wouldn't be so lonely. I love her to death, if only she wouln't bark to much.
7. Two people you think will fill this out:
Well..... hopefully someone will...
8. Two things that you did last night:
Surffed the internet and listened to music. Last night it was Fuel. Good band, really like them. And did bills, oh the joy and fun in that.
9. Two things you ate today:
Still haven't eaten yet today, it's only 6:30 am. But I intend to eat a slice of homemade bread with strawberry jelly and coffee. Yummm...
10. Two people you last talked to:
Well actually talked to, my mom, I miss her and wish we wern't so far away. And my friend Sunshine (not her real name, but she's alwasy upbeat and happy). Her little boy probably has a cataract on his left eye, and has probably been there since birth (he's 2) and even if they remove it may not see out of his left eye. Yet despite all that, all the worries and fears, she has such a positive attituide. Such an example for me.
11. Two things you're doing tomorrow:
Well it's Saturday tomorrow, we need to get some hand soap for Dragonfly, and since I really don't want to go to the grocery store (the stupid Superbowl is Sunday and it will be mass and utter chaos there) we'll probably go to the mall. And not much else, we don't lead such an exciting life.
12. Two longest car rides:
Driving from Michigan to Texas with an infant, dog, hauling a U-Haul trailer filled with Christmas presents because in-laws always over buy for the kids. But it was okay, because I had my friend with me. Thanks for keeping me sane on that trip, Dragonfly. And lots of other long car rides to Michigan to visit family, driving is such a common thing for me these days.
13. Two favorite holidays:
Christmas, not because we get all this stuff, but because I am usually with family and friends. It's one of the few times each year we are all able to get together, friends and family. Though, it's tough dealing with sleeping arrangements (kids sleeping in with me, sleeping on couches, etc.) but at least I have a loving and supportive family.
Halloween, because I get to make a costume for my kids. It also gives me a reason to get dressed up too. I love to sew fun things, and any reason to make a princess dress for my daughter is reason to celebrate.
14. Two favorite beverages:
Coffee, I have just recently become a coffee addict, I'll blame my father for that one. I got my nice coffee grinder and coffee pot for Christmas a year ago. What would I do without my morning coffee.... And raspberry lemonade Crystal Lite, I've given up soda, so my alternative is a low calorie, sugar free drink. And I love the little water bottle packets they make now, great way to spice up boring water.
15. Two people no longer alive who you'd like to talk to:
My Grandpa Young, he died when I was in college and I don't think I ever really got to know him. He was such a stoic man, kept to himself much of the time and very independent. I would love to talk to him about his childhood and his time over in WWII.
Princess Leia's nephew, he died about 7 years ago of cancer. He was so young, maybe 5 or 6, but I would love to talk to him, to have him describe heaven for me, through a child's eyes.

And so that is my list, I'm glad I did it, you know there are just some things you don't think about every day, I like questions that make me think.

And now I'm off to make some of that coffee and toast, yummm. Before my little kiddos wake up and the day starts.